12 Aug Alone With God…The Things That Come Out.

This day has proven productive but now night has fallen upon LA and my head is flooded with thoughts of regret, missed opportunities, lovers past, love lost, future ambitions and consequences from past and current mistakes. I ask myself is it all worth it?! Thinking life would be much easier if I had taken the corporate America jobs that were offered and currently being offered. Right when that life seems as if it would be easier my phone vibrates and it’s an inbox message on Facebook from someone that has seen a picture of me in a store somewhere in the country. I tell God nice try on the diversion but at the moment self doubt is bigger than inbox messages of congratulations on Facebook. I continue the conversation to self, while all the time hoping God is eavesdropping and ready to give me the answer that I want to hear, not necessarily the right answer that would benefit me in the long run. Thanks to a good friend, the words ambiguity and uncertainty come to mind when describing my personal and professional life. Though most people only see what’s on the outside, and by the outside I mean Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, there is way more to everyone than what we want you to see. I specifically have those social media sites to keep family and friends updated, informed and far away from my personal life and struggles as possible. I’m asked over and over what do you really have to complain or be down about Justin, your life looks pretty sweet to me. That’s the problem right there, an overdose of sweetness will have you with teeth rotten, diabetes and a serious weight problem. Three things I am not a fan of at all. At this very moment, I get this text message out of the blue “Justin doesn’t everything always work out for you? All you’ve set your mind to have always yield amazing results. Within months you’ve literally went from working with icons to visiting France.” If anyone knows me you know my eyebrow is through the roof right now! This letter isn’t meant to sound ungrateful because I truly am, it’s just a means of expressions my private thoughts in hopes by the end I can figure out what really is going on with me. Once the answer is clear, I will print this letter out then burn it along with my thought of regret, feelings of confusion and uncertainty as I journey through this life that has given me some of the best and worst moments to date.

My most recent conversation with God…
God I am so frustrated right now. Why do I always seem to end up at this point in my life? Can you answer me that? Yea I know I’m not perfect and I have a ton of things to work on but when will it be MY time. When will I hit my stride? I’m tired of always helping others get to where they have to be and being the encourager of every single person in the world seems like. God quickly interrupted me and said No you are not! Your day wouldn’t be complete if you hadn’t created an opportunity for someone, been a listening ear or non-judgmental advice giver. I know what the real issues are that you have with me so why not stop beating around the burning bush (God humor) and spit it out like the whale did Jonah (more God humor)? Ok, Ok, here it goes then God. You tell me that I can have the desires of my heart but you modify them to suit you. I don’t think that’s fair at all. I’m to so many people what NO one is to me. You refuse to let anyone I like to like me back. That really pisses me off. I’m tired of putting my heart on the line just to be stepped and played with. That ends now. I’m done with it. And could you please stop all the unattractive, superficial, talentless, bland personality, fame & money goal oriented folks from being attracted to me. I would rather be single forever that to continue to half-heartedly entertain their advances. You know I could care less about money, fame, titles and everything else this world seems to be fixated on. You know the unselfish desires of my heart and the sincere prayers I pray for others and not for myself. Seeing friends and family happy and prospering is the joy that fuels my drive to be all that I can be. God responds…Justin I love you! You know it and anyone who meets you instantly knows it. Some information you forgot to mention in all your ranting are the promises and prayers you told me before starting on this journey. I agree I didn’t reveal everything that would happen to you but you wouldn’t have been able to handle it nor would you have chosen to continue the path laid out for you. There are MANY things I’ve warned you against that you freely, happily and with that smile on your face did without a second thought of how it would impact your path. Did I reprimand you? Yes but you got off very easy. Now let’s take a look at the people you’ve asked me for? Really Justin? Really? I’m not even going to go there and entertain some of the foolishness that comes out of your foolish and deceitful heart though sincere and honest. You’re where I want you to be and honestly that’s all I should say but because you will keep me up all night (God humor) with the same questions and conversations again and again, I’m choosing to continue. Your heart is your best and worst enemy. Your love for people and sincere desire to see everyone happy isn’t necessarily the plan that I have for them or you. All I can say to you right now is TRUST ME that I have yours and everyone else’s best interest at heart. Thank you for always being honest with me…after a couple of pulled teeth but I thank you regardless. The world isn’t ready for the purpose and plans I have for you Justin Decell Key.

I have spoken and God has responded. To all a good night…

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  • Roger Dodger
    Posted at 22:27h, 21 August Reply

    Taking a good look at one's self usually yields good results, and not enough people do it more. Good post

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