It’s Not You, It’s Me: I've Changed and Will Not Apologize for It

As I get older, I understand more and more how I operate best. By operate, I mean when I'm most productive, what environments allow me to thrive, how to correct and hold myself accountable, and most importantly, how to set and enforce my boundaries. Shout out to having an incredible relationship with God, a fantastic (yet challenging) therapist, and a tribe of friends that are truly beyond comprehension and grace.

One of the realizations I've come to, though it's been several years, is that I thrive, heal, and receive the most pleasure in solitude. Clarity, enlightenment, and energy are in abundance when I'm alone. What's contradictory is that this hasn't always been the case. Those who have known me in the past, as well as those who associate the current me with the traits of the old me, are confused, combative, and sometimes indignant over my lack of excitement to go out, to be on the scene, or jump at opportunities they deem "once in a lifetime." I, on the other hand, am often confused at their complete disregard for how I feel and not taking my "No's" as a complete sentence and using them as an opportunity to "win me over."

"You're missing out," "You can't always stay in," "You're becoming a hermit," "Just come out for a few hours," or "Live a little." These comments are in abundance, and initially, I would give in and find myself completely miserable, even if I didn't say so. I set boundaries and completely let others run right over them.

I know some of you reading this could be thinking, "Justin, what's wrong with going out and having a good time? You might actually enjoy yourself?" The thing is, I'm not new to this life. When I moved to Los Angeles from Memphis, I was at every party, every event, on set filming, traveling the world, meeting the best and worst of all humans, and literally had the time of my life. From Oscar parties to mansion kickbacks, I was there. From concerts to private screenings, your boy was on the guest list.

I went from feeding pigs before the bus picked me up for school to drinking the finest wine in Paris. I live a fantastic life. I read the best books, I know the best people, and I still travel at least two weeks out of the month. I see friends all over the world when I do. So, consider all that when I say this: This is my season of implementing rest into my equation of life. I want to read damn good books with a bottle of wine at home alone. I don't want to battle LA traffic to go to an event when I can watch a TV series at home that my friends either starred in, wrote, directed, or produced. I want to be surrounded by my plants in my perfectly arranged Spanish-style apartment in Mid-City Los Angeles. The feng shui is tailored to my life and energy. I'm not on social media, and my phone has been in Do Not Disturb mode since November 2022. I prioritize peace, mental health, and my creative endeavors.

I'm in the best physical and mental shape of my life. I'm genuinely happy. I have an inner joy that I will now protect at all costs. My soul is happy. My skin is clear, and my hairline is yet holding on. I know my absence has caused some friends and family to be upset with me, and honestly, they have to deal with that. I still love them, but respecting the space that I'm in is non-negotiable. I'm excited for this new enlightened journey of peace and exploration. I pray that others start theirs and avoid the trap of confinement, over-obligation, broken boundaries, and mental health agitation from trying to please everyone but themselves.

In a world that often glorifies constant connectivity and socializing, it's crucial to recognize and honor our individual needs for solitude. Solitude offers us the opportunity to recharge, reflect, and reconnect with ourselves. It's a time for introspection, personal growth, and nurturing our well-being.

For me, solitude has become an essential ingredient in my recipe for a fulfilling life. It's where I find the clarity, enlightenment, and energy that propel me forward. By creating boundaries and embracing my need for solitude, I have unlocked a deeper sense of happiness and contentment.

However, this shift hasn't been without its challenges. Friends and acquaintances from my past, accustomed to the more outgoing version of myself, struggle to understand my newfound preference for solitude. They question my choices, urging me to join them in their social escapades, convinced that I'm missing out on life's grand experiences. But I've come to realize that their disregard for my feelings and my boundaries is their own limitation, not mine.

Having experienced the glitz and glamour of an active social life, I can confidently say that this chapter of my life is about embracing rest and tranquility. It's about savoring the pleasure of curling up with a good book and a glass of wine in the comfort of my perfectly arranged Spanish-style apartment. It's about nourishing my mind, body, and soul, prioritizing peace, mental health, and creative pursuits.

In this season, I've discovered the power of saying no. It's not about becoming a hermit or shutting myself off from the world; it's about intentionally choosing how and when to engage. I've come to understand that my well-being and inner joy are worth protecting, even if it means disappointing others. It's a lesson in self-respect and self-care that I wish everyone could learn.

So, as I bask in the bliss of solitude, I invite you to examine your own life. Are you prioritizing your own needs? Are you setting and enforcing healthy boundaries? Are you allowing yourself the space to recharge and thrive? It's never too late to embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-care.

Let us avoid the trap of over-obligation, people-pleasing, and the mental health agitation that comes with it. Instead, let us find the courage to embrace solitude, to honor our boundaries, and to create a life that brings us genuine joy. As I embark on this enlightened journey, I hope that others will join me in unlocking the profound beauty and peace that solitude can bring.